


I Ask For What I Do Not Deserve

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Atonement - Freeform, Brotherly Bonding, Forgiveness, M/M, Translating, slow-build, slow-burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2313800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gadreel is well-aware that he does not deserve Sam Winchester's forgiveness.  He will ask for it regardless and do whatever is within his power to prove that he is trustworthy to Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for several people. Drawsshits, Hopesetfree and thehinkypanda. Inspired by you and damn if it didn't grow into this epic 14k monster. Christ. 
> 
> Do you see that? Nine chapters. NINE. NIIIIINE. So much fic. <3 
> 
> I hope that you guys love this, I really do. Enjoy!

  
  


 

Humans were strange.  Gadreel had never tried to understand his father’s fascination with them.  Why they were to be worshipped above all things, above He, Himself.  

Staring at Dean Winchester, he was beginning to understand.  Dean’s determination, his loyalty to his brother was something that even Gadreel could understand.  He did not understand the need or extent to save that which was so broken though.  

 

But, they had asked for help.  He would help.  

 

The first time he touched Sam Winchester’s soul, Gadreel brought it to the very center of his being and cradled it.  It was the brightest soul he had ever seen a human possess.  Brighter than that of his brother, or any other human.  

 

This was the light of the soul that had overpowered the Morningstar.  That had survived hundreds of year of torture.  

 

His first touch to the soul of Sam Winchester nearly destroyed the human.  While shining bright and brilliant, his soul was so fragile, held together by the finest gossamer threads.  Gadreel gentled the touch of his Grace, and began to heal.  

  
  


!~!~!

  
  


As Gadreel carved the sigil into the chest of his vessel, he thought about that soul.  How it had never had time to be properly nurtured and had prospered despite it.  How it had refused to be destroyed and had been strong enough to close the gates of heaven.  

 

When Gadreel closed his eyes and felt his Grace begin to explode, Castiel’s voice echoing not far away, he sent up a prayer to his father for that magnificent soul.  Sam Winchester.  He was beautiful.  He deserved to be saved, to be cared for, protected and loved.  

 

Gadreel focused on that single memory, of Sam, wrapped in the center of him as his failing Grace exploded and destroyed Metatron’s prison.

  
  


!~!~!

  
  


Sam settled back into his chair and stared up at the ceiling of the bunker, rubbing at his chest, just below the tattoo.  He frowned.  

 

"Sam?"  

 

Sam looked up at Castiel and grinned.  ”Hey Cas, here to see Dean?”  

 

Castiel shook his head.  ”I am not.  I am here for you.  I had a favor to ask of you.”  

 

Sam tensed and nodded.  Castiel’s favors were never…small.  ”Yeah, Cas, what’s up?”  

 

"You remember Gadreel, the angel that possessed you?"  

 

Sam stared at Cas, that ache coming back again.  He massaged the spot below his chest.  ”Hard to forget that, Cas.”  

 

Castiel nodded.  ”He has expressed a wish to apologize to you for his actions.”  

 

"I thought you said he died!"  

 

"He did,"  Castiel said.  "But, as is the case with myself, I believe our Father has brought him back.  Gadreel believes one of the reasons for this is so that he may speak with you."  

 

Sam blew out a breath and sank back into the chair.  ”I’m going to get the angel blade, and you’re going to stay with him here.”  

 

Castiel inclined his head.  ”Of course Sam.”  

 

Ten minutes later, Sam sat, stiff-backed in his chair again, his grip on the angel blade tight.  ”All right Cas.”  A moment later, Gadreel was standing in the room in front of both of them.

 

"Hello, Sam Winchester."  Gadreel inclined his head to Sam and then froze, staring at the human.  

 

"What?"  Sam growled, looking down at his chest and then back up to the other man.  "What are you staring at?"  

 

Gadreel looked to Castiel.  ”That is what I believe it is?”  

 

Castiel nodded.  ”I could not be certain until you were here, but yes, it is.”  

 

"What is going on?"  Sam said, panic rising in his chest.  

 

"You have a small seed of my Grace in your soul," Gadreel explained, looking at Sam again, unable to keep from smiling.  

 

"You left something-"

 

"No,"  Castiel interrupted.  "This was not left by Gadreel, Sam.  I would have sensed it before now.  This is something that was kept by your soul and…"  He smiled.  "I believe the connection between you and Gadreel has become similar to the connection Dean and I have."  

 

Sam opened his mouth to respond and blinked, his brow wrinkling.  ”You’re telling me we’re profoundly bonded?  How the hell did that happen?”  

 

"It is a gift from our Father,"  Castiel explained.  

 

"No, I am done with gifts, I am done with being honored, I am done with this, I told you."  Sam stood up, glaring at Castiel.  "I am done with not having a choice, Cas!"  

 

"You do have a choice,"  Gadreel said.  "I am not…"  He frowned, trying to find the correct words.  "I will not impose on you.  My presence will only be by your choice.  What is inside you…"  He looked at the brightness of Sam’s soul again.  To see that small speck of Grace supported by Sam Winchester the same way he had supported that soul once was…fitting.  "It will allow you to call me, should you wish to.  You may ignore it if you choose.  I will not see you again until I come to escort your soul to heaven."  

 

Sam swallowed hard, turning to stare at Gadreel.  ”That’s it?”  He turned to Cas for confirmation and waited for the nod.  Sam exhaled and looked back to Gadreel, gesturing for him to continue.  ”All right, go ahead, apologize or whatever you are here to do.”  

 

Gadreel nodded.  ”I am sorry, Sam Winchester.  For everything I did to both you and your brother.”  

 

"We’re more actions-speak-louder-than-words type people, I’m not gonna lie, Gadreel."  Sam needed a damn drink.  Or seven.  "Look, I get being tricked.  Cas said that you rescued him and made it possible to overthrow Metatron.  So, thank you for that.  But that isn’t going to make me trust you."  

 

Gadreel inclined his head.  ”Of course.”  He turned to leave.  

 

"Hey, Gadreel?"  Sam looked at the angel as he paused.  "How are your wings?  Er, you?  Dean told me…you were hurt.  When you fell.  Badly."  

 

Gadreel faced Sam.  ”When my Father brought me back, He healed me.  I am as I was.”  

 

Sam smiled.  ”Good.”  

 

Gadreel glanced toward Castiel and then back to Sam again, unsure.  He cleared his throat.  ”Sam?”  Hazel eyes snapped to him and the human’s soul surged with curiosity.  There was no outright animosity there, though there should be.  ”I would like your permission to show you with actions that I do not mean harm to you or your brother.”  

 

Looking around the room, he brought his eyes back to Sam.  ”Would you like help translating and cataloguing the library?”  Gadreel did not expect the bright burst of pleasure to light Sam’s soul at the suggestion, before it was tempered by caution.  

 

"I don’t-"

 

"It would only be when you asked.  I would not invade your privacy without your explicit request," Gadreel added, unable to keep his Grace from swelling with hope.  Perhaps there was a chance for forgiveness.

 

Sam nodded.  ”All right.  I’ll…call you.”  He glanced to Cas.  ”I’ll probably have both of you here the first couple of times.”  

 

Castiel inclined his head.  ”Of course, Sam.”  

 

Gadreel nodded and smiled.  ”Thank you, Sam.  I look forward to hearing from you again.”

  
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

  


 

Two weeks later, Sam growled and pushed the book off the desk, refusing to look at it any longer.  His head was throbbing.  The language was similar enough to Enochian that he should be able to read it, or at least translate it.  But every few lines, the language devolved into something that he could read nothing of.  

 

Gadreel’s offer of translating help came to mind and Sam dismissed it.  He didn’t ever need to see that angel again.  Ever.  He pulled out his phone and dialed Cas.  It rang several times before going to voicemail.  Sam groaned.   _Dammit_.  

 

The book sat untranslated for over a month, the sight of it rankling him every time he looked at it.  Sam went through several other books, looking for signs of that language, but he was unable to find anything.  Dean called him moody for the sixth or seventh time that week and Sam sank into one of the comfier chairs in the library.  

 

A minute later, he was up and striding to his room.  He found the angel blade he kept on his bedside table and made his way back to the library, clearing his throat.  “Gadreel.  I’d like to take you up on that offer.”  He called.  

 

Sam flinched back when Gadreel appeared on the other side of the table, holding onto the blade tighter.  

 

“Sam.”  Gadreel smiled.  “It is good to see you again.  What may I assist with?”  

 

Sam cleared his throat and relaxed a fraction, sinking into his chair, his hand still on the blade.  “That book in front of you.  Parts of it are Enochian, and parts of it are something else.  Can you read it?”  

 

Gadreel stepped closer and traced his fingers over the cover of the book.  “Likely.”  He glanced up at Sam.  “How long would you like me to stay for?”  

 

Sam blinked and opened his mouth, only to snap it shut a moment later.  “Until you’re done.”  

 

“That may take a few hours.  Would you be all right with me here for that length of time?”  Gadreel asked, sitting down at the table before opening the book.  

 

Sam picked up the blade and rested it beside the book he was reading.  “This will never be more than a foot from my hand.  Do anything suspicious and I will not hesitate.”  

 

Gadreel nodded and looked down at the book.  “Of course Sam.  I understand.”  

 

It was easy to lose himself in the rhythm of translating and cataloguing the library.  He didn't even realize when he began to doze.  The scratch of Gadreel's pen was a low background noise and it lulled him as he stared at the catalogue list in front of him.  A moment later, Sam blinked himself awake and looked around the room, the emptiness leaving him lurching for the blade still sitting beside him.  

 

There was no one else in the room and the lights had been dimmed.  Sam narrowed his eyes and looked around the room again.  This time his eyes caught on a note that had been next to his arm.  

  


**Sam,**

**I apologize for leaving while you slept.  However, I did not wish to disturb you and you appeared to be sleeping peacefully, despite the position you were in.**

**I have finished translating the novel you requested.  You were right, it was Enochian.  However, the parts that you would were not able to see were simple a different facet of Enochian.  I believe you would know it as an accent.  If you wish, I can teach you it.**

**I enjoyed working with you today.  Thank you for allowing me to visit you.**

**Call if you need anything and I will come.**

**Gadreel**

  


Sam crumpled the paper in his fist, wanting to ball it up and throw it away.  He sighed and straightened it again, slipping it into the pages of the book he had been working on.  He stood up a moment later and rubbed his face.  He needed to go get some rest.  Some proper rest.  That's all.  

  


~!~

  


The next day, Sam made his way back into the library and picked up the book with the stack of written translations next to it before settling in his chair again.  Gadreel's handwriting was simple and neat, refreshing from the mess that was Dean and Castiel's writing.  

 

He made his way through the rest of the book easily now, smiling at the translations Gadreel offered.  He made a note of two additional pieces of information that he would need to ask Gadreel-

 

Sam stopped and shook his head.  He wasn't going to ask for help again.  This had been a one-time thing and Gadreel had helped.  That didn't mean that he was going to keep helping and he would do well to remember that.  

 

He picked up the translation again and began to read, focusing on the words and where he would need to catalogue this book in the library.  He would find a spot for it.  Sam looked up at the other side of the table and for the first time felt how empty the library was.  He stood and opened the door.  Now he could hear Dean cursing from the kitchen.  Sam relaxed and made his way back over to the chair.  

 

It had been nice to have company.  ....even if that company probably had ulterior motives and wanted to kill him.  

  
  


~!~

  


Sam sat up in bed, choking on a sob as he covered his face with his hands.  Fucking dammit.  It was unlikely that the nightmares would ever fully go away, even after everything.  They were still his experiences, his life after all.  Sam groped for his bedside lamp and flicked it on, shifting so he could hang his legs off the edge of the bed, breathing slowly.  

 

After a few minutes of focused breathing, his heart rate began to return to normal.  Sam sighed.  There was no way he would be able to get back to sleep tonight.  He might as well head to the library to work.  He pulled on a shirt and sweatpants before heading downstairs.  Dean would still be passed out, so no need to worry about waking him up.  

 

Sam opened the door to the library and flicked the lights on, stretching as he walked towards his chair.  He blinked when he noticed something sitting on the seat of the chair.  A small box.  He walked closer and picked it up.  

 

**Sam,**

**Castiel informed me that you would not accept help from me with your dreams were I to offer it.  Instead, here is a box of tea.  (Castiel said you liked tea.)  This type of tea is from China.  It is known to help with dreamless sleep.**

**No magic.  Your choice.**

**Sleep well.**

**Gadreel**

  
  


Sam looked down at the box of tea and sucked in an angry breath.  Dammit.  Damn Castiel for saying that he liked tea and damn Gadreel for buying a type of tea that might help him sleep.  He tossed the box onto the table and picked up one of his books, burying his nose into it.  

 

He did not look at the tea again.  Even when it became tempting, Lucifer screaming every time he closed his eyes for more than a minute or so.  He would simply need to stay awake.  

 

He shuffled to the kitchen and pulled down a mug before turning on the coffee maker.  He needed to get some caffeine into his system, that was all.  That would be more than enough.  He certainly didn't need some drug helping with his sleeping.  

  


~!~

  


Three days later, even the tea was starting to look appetizing.  Lucifer’s taunts were becoming louder and every time he blinked he saw flashes of the devil.  Sam knew it was bad when Castiel appeared and gave him a frown.  

 

“What can I help you with Cas?  Dean isn’t here.”  

 

“I am aware.”  Castiel said, crossing his arms.  “He is worried about you.”  

 

Sam cleared his throat.  “I’m fine Cas.”  

 

“Fine is not the word I would use.  You are not sleeping.”  

 

Sam shrugged.  “Not the first time I’ve gone without sleep Cas.”  He said.  

 

“Perhaps.”  Castiel acknowledged.  “But it is the first time when you are doing so when you do not need to.”  

 

Sam’s eyes widened and he took a step back from Cas.  “I’m not going to let you whammy me into sleep Cas!”  

 

Castiel shook his head.  “I am not going to do anything to you Sam.  But may I suggest using the tea Gadreel provided?  It will help.”  

 

Which left Sam to do nothing more than glower at the tea as he sat in the library.  He'd managed to ignore Cas as he had brought his cup of coffee back to the library.  He's never wanted to drink it less.  Instead, he’d googled the tea.  It was a real brand.  People had bought it, reviewed it.  Said that it helped them sleep.  Well.  If it was a trap?  At least he’d get to sleep.  

 

Sam brought the box into the kitchen and set up the machine so he could steep the tea.  He pulled the box around and read the instructions.  Steep for between one to five minutes.  Right, he could do that.  

 

He fiddled with the machine for another minute or two until he had it set up and pressed a button.  Sam sighed and relaxed as a sweet smell immediately rose in the air.  At least it didn't smell toxic like some tea did.  

 

He picked up his cup after the machine was finished and ditched the bag, carrying it to his bedroom.  Sam took a slow sip of it, blinking in surprise at the sweet taste.  He took a longer sip, despite the hot water and shut the door to his room behind him.  

 

Sam sat down on the edge of the bed and drank the rest of the tea, swallowing it down in slow sips like the box had said.  He put the cup on his bedside table and climbed under the covers.  Now was the moment of truth.  He was either going to kick the bucket or...

 

Sam closed his eyes and sagged against the pillows.  His body felt slow and lethargic.  That wasn't good.  Fuck.  He should never have trusted that fucking...angel....

  
  


~!~!~

  
  


Sam blinked himself away and sat up, his hair flying into his face at the quick flurry of motion.  He looked around his room and sucked in another breath.  Holy shit.  He wasn't dead.  Sam grinned widely and climbed out of bed.  And he felt more rested than he had been in over a week.  

 

He made his way back to the kitchen and froze at the sight of the clock.  He blinked at it, once, twice, but the numbers declaring the time four in the afternoon didn't change.  He'd slept for twelve hours.  Sam stared at it for a moment longer before turning to the fridge and opening it.  Inside were a fresh carton of eggs and a package of bacon.  

 

He huffed and looked up at the ceiling.  "You can't buy my friendship, even with fresh eggs and bacon."  When he turned towards the stove, there was a small post-it note attached to the burner knob.  

 

**I am sorry.**

 

Sam grinned at the sight it and looked upward again.  "You're forgiven on the food thing.  I'm hungry."  

 

Sam was positive that he imagined the laughter ringing in his ears.  He almost expected another note, but when nothing appeared, he went about making breakfast for a late lunch, early dinner.  Mmm, Gadreel had even gotten him organic eggs.  Perfect.  

  
  
  


~!~

  
  


He started drinking the tea every night for the next two weeks.  Gadreel was still attempting to contact him with the occasional note and act of kindness and Sam was not about to stop him.  It was nice when someone noticed small things.  He was even starting to realize that Gadreel had a sense of humor, which was...unexpected to say the least.  

 

He still hadn't called the angel down for help again, but it was nice to know that the angel didn't mean him any harm.  Even if he wasn't still completely convinced of that.  Sam finished his tea and put the cup on his side table and climbed into bed, reaching for the lamp when a note fluttered down to the table.  

 

**Sleep well.**

 

Sam grinned and flicked off the light.  "Creeper!"  He called out as he closed his eyes and sank into the pillow.  And if he heard the imaginary laughter again, well.  He was okay with imagining laughter.  It didn't sound anything like Lucifer, or Michael and that made it more than okay.  

 

Sam fell asleep smiling.  

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wonderful, amazing and fantastic BlackPurpleWings made a gif-fic for this chapter!!
> 
> Make sure you check it out! Here's a link: http://blackpurplewings.tumblr.com/post/98426151905


	3. Chapter 3

  
  
  


 

"Haul ass slowpoke!"  Dean shouted, sprinting past Sam.  "It's pissed!"  

 

"You're the one who pissed it off!"  Sam shouted back, stopping to fire off another silver bullet at the werewolf running towards them.  

 

"Stop trying to shoot it and run!"  

 

Sam would not glare at his brother.  He focused on the werewolf barreling towards him and took aim.  "We've got to kill the damn thing!"  He squeezed off another shot and watched it connect with a shoulder.  Dammit, non-lethal shot.  It would slow it down at the least.  He turned and started running again.  “I’m out!”  

 

“Christ Sam, do you think that I am made of bullets?”  Dean asked, leaping over another fallen tree.  

 

“I expect you to be able to hit a moving target!”  

 

Dean growled and turned, planting his feet to take another shot.  He swore when it hit a tree next to the bastard.  

 

"Dammit Dean!"  Sam shouted, ducking and stumbling when Dean shot at the werewolf again.  "Shit!"  He swore when his foot caught on a loose branch.  He hit the ground hard and scrambled to get up, another quick shot going over his head towards the wolf.  

 

Sam only just managed to get to his feet when the wolf barreled into him and knocked him to the ground again.  

 

"SAM!"  

 

Sam scrambled for the knife tucked into his jeans and managed to get to his feet, facing the werewolf.  The creature was at least slowing, the four different bullet wounds steadily leaking blood.  "Dean!!"   _Not good, not good, not good._  

 

Another bullet hit the werewolf in the chest, right by his heart.  They were out of silver.  Sam cursed when the werewolf took another step towards him.  What the fuck was this wolf made of?!  "Dean!"  He could hear Dean crashing through the woods and held the knife out carefully in front of him.  He could see the muscles of the creature bunching in preparation and crouched, making himself a smaller target.  

 

The werewolf leaped and went nowhere.  Sam stared at it, the knife still held in front of him, but the werewolf was snarling and thrashing, held by-

 

"No."  A voice said.  

 

Sam's eyes went wide as the werewolf was suddenly thrown away from him and Gadreel was suddenly visible.  The angel was advancing on the werewolf, holding his angel blade.  "Gadreel, silver!"  He shouted.  

 

Gadreel turned his head back to Sam and smiled, for the briefest of moments at Sam.  Sam was concerned for him.  "Thank you Sam."  He turned his attention back to the wolf that was now advancing on him.  "Now to deal with you."  

 

Sam got to his feet and brushed off his pants as Dean skidded to a halt next to him.  

 

"What the fuck is going on?  What is that bastard doing here?  Why didn't you call Cas?"  Dean asked, panting hard.  

 

Sam turned to Dean to answer when a loud yelp from the werewolf and a thump indicated the body being dropped to the ground pulled his attention back.  "We need to burn the body."  

 

"Sam!  Sam!  What the fuck!"  Dean swore, following Sam as he walked towards the angel.  

 

"Dean, you should get the lighter fluid.  I'll stay here."  Sam said.  He watched Dean frown and smiled.  "I doubt he would have saved me from a werewolf only to kill me himself."  

 

Dean frowned and crossed his arms over his chest.  "You have the blade?"  

 

Sam held up the angel blade and kept it carefully in his hand as he approached Gadreel, standing over the body of the werewolf.  "Gadreel?"  The angel spun to face him a moment later.  "You all right?"  

 

Gadreel tilted his head.  "Of course Sam.  Are you uninjured?"  

 

His back was sore and he was going to have a hell of a lot of bruises tomorrow.  Nothing he hadn't lived through before and nothing he couldn't live through again.  "I'll be fine."  

 

Gadreel nodded.  "I am pleased to hear so."  

 

"Were you following us?"  Sam asked, holding the blade out in front of himself.  

 

"No."  Gadreel looked to the sky.  "I felt you were in danger.  I came to assist.  I apologize for interfering.  I did not wish any harm to come to you.  I apologize, I will-”

 

“Gadreel.”  Sam interrupted, lowering the angel blade.  The angel looked to him and Sam was reminded of Castiel when he had first met Dean.  That look of earnestness and hope made his heart hurt.  Sam stared at the ground.  He didn’t deserve a look like that.  He swallowed hard.  “Thank you.”  

 

Sam felt something soft touch his chin and he startled, looking up at Gadreel.  The angel looked...he had never seen a look like that before.  Gadreel looked happy, grinning at him. _Beautiful_.  The, the whatever it was stayed under his chin and lifted his face until their eyes met again.  

 

“You never need to look down, Sam Winchester.  You are good.  You are worthy.”  Gadreel said, shifting and turning towards the sound of Dean jogging through the woods.  “I will leave you now.”  

 

The touch beneath his chin disappeared and Sam was left staring at empty forest when Gadreel vanished.  Dean startled him out of his reverie a moment later when the can of lighter fluid was held in front of his face.  He nodded and they set about burning the body.  

 

Later, back at the bunker, there was a new box of tea waiting beside the machine.  Sam couldn’t help but smile as he picked up the note attached to it.  

 

**Sam,**

**This is Willowbark tea.  It will help with your soreness and bruises.  It is similar to the drug Tylenol and it can be safely combined with your other tea.**

**Sleep well.**

**Gadreel**

  
  


Sam smiled and folded the letter into his pocket, keeping it safely against his thigh.  He would tuck it into the book he was working on along with the other notes from Gadreel.  he did not hesitate when he began steeping two cups of tea for himself.  

 

As he sank down into the covers, Sam couldn’t help but grin.  The willow bark tea had tasted like shit, but it had worked better and faster than Tylenol.  Badass.  He owed Gadreel another thank you.  Sam closed his eyes and relaxed into the sheets.  He needed to call Gadreel tomorrow.  He was terrible at Russian and could use some help.  

  
  
  
  


~!~!~

  
  
  


It took an argument from Dean, and Sam calling Cas to explain some extra stuff, but Dean had finally agreed to not stab Gadreel on sight.  Which was an improvement.  Especially after he found out that Cas was only alive because of Gadreel.  

 

After that argument was done and out of the way, Sam headed to the library and shut the door behind him.  He put the angel blade down on the table.  Within reach, but...he was okay with just that for right now.  “Hey Gadreel, I could use your-”

 

“Hello Sam.”  Gadreel said, appearing across from the table.  

 

Sam grinned, shaking his head a little bit as he opened a book.  “Eager beaver much?”  

 

Gadreel blinked in confusion.  “I don’t un-”

 

“Let me guess, you don’t understand that reference?”  Sam asked, unable to keep from smiling.  

 

Gadreel nodded.  “That is correct, how did you-”  

 

“Let’s just say this is serious deja vu from Cas, okay?”  Sam said, standing up and walking next to Gadreel.  “Here, this is the book I was having trouble with.  Can you help me translate it?”  Sam pulled up another chair and settled in next to Gadreel, opening his book.  

 

Gadreel stared at Sam in awe, glancing towards the angel blade left on the opposite side of the table and nodded, looking at the book in front of him.  “I would be happy to assist.  Would you like me to transcribe as I did last time, or help teach you?”  

 

Sam hesitated.  “I’d like you to transcribe, would that be all right?”  He wanted Gadreel to teach him, but, not yet.  He had to be careful.  He’d been fooled before.  He’d made mistakes before.  Gadreel could be playing at some other sort of game.  

 

“Of course.”  Gadreel said.  He looked to Sam once more and smiled before turning to the book, a small stack of paper appearing beside him as he started to write.  

 

Sam watched Gadreel write, his hands moving in smooth, sure lines across the paper.  He was focused entirely on the book in front of him.  He’d seen another angel have that same level of focus, but it had been leveled at a far more human subject.  He snorted.  

 

Gadreel looked at Sam and could not help but stare at the happy bright light of Sam’s soul, dancing in delight in front of him.  “You are amused?”  

 

“Yeah…just.”  Sam shook his head, unable to stop grinning.  “You’re looking at the book like Cas stares at Dean.  It reminded me of him.”  

 

Gadreel was unable to contain his Grace lighting up in pleasure.  Something he had done had reminded Sam of Castiel.  “That is, not bad?”  

 

Sam’s breath caught as Gadreel smiled at him, the first full smile he had ever seen from the angel.  “No.”  He whispered.  “Not at all.”  He cleared his throat and looked back to the book in front of him.  

 

“Understood.”  Gadreel said, turning back to the book in front of him.  He would ask Castiel to better understand.  Castiel was often willing to assist him with the nuances of dealing with the Winchesters.  

 

A few hours later, Gadreel watched as Sam stood and stretched.  “Are you finished for the day?”  

 

Sam nodded, cracking his neck slowly.  “Yeah.  I think my head is spinning with conjugated Latin.  I need a break.”  

 

“Of course.”  Gadreel stood, marking his spot with a piece of paper.  “I am sorry I was not able to finish today.  I will require at least another two to three hours to finish translating.”  

 

Sam nodded.  “That’s fine.  Come back tomorrow and we’ll finish up and go over the notes.”  

 

Gadreel stared at Sam as he made his way around the table.  It was easy to see Sam’s soul slipping into relaxation, eager for the night’s end.  “You would…”  Gadreel paused.  “What time tomorrow?”  

 

Sam blinked and looked back at the angel.  “Are you doing something tomorrow?”  

 

Gadreel shook his head.  “No.  I wish to know what time would be best for me to arrive to assist you.”  

 

“Ah!”  Sam grinned.  “Just come by sometime after say, two pm.  I’ll be working in here.”  

 

“As you wish Sam.”  Gadreel looked to Sam and smiled.  “Sleep well.”  

 

Sam stared at the spot where Gadreel had disappeared from for a long moment before he shook himself and made his way to his room.  He smiled.  It had been a long time since someone had wished him to sleep well and had truly meant it.  

  
  
  


~!~!~

  
  
  


“Castiel, may I speak with you?”  Gadreel asked.  

 

Castiel smiled at Gadreel.  “Of course.  What can I help you with?”  

 

Gadreel cleared his throat before asking.  “Is there a particular way that you use to look at Dean Winchester?  Sam referenced that I was looking at a book in the same way and I wanted to understand.”  

 

“A book?”  Castiel looked at Gadreel before his eyes lit with understanding.  “Was this a book that Sam asked for your help translating?”  

 

Gadreel stared at the Seraph in surprise.  “I, yes.  How did you know that Castiel?”  

 

“Because that means Sam Winchester is starting to see you.  And is starting to trust you.  Is he still bringing the angel blade with him?”  

 

“Yes, though he no longer keeps it in hand and had it on the opposite side of the table the last time I was with him.”  Gadreel explained.  

 

Castiel smiled and looked at Gadreel.  “Has he invited you back?”  

 

Gadreel nodded.  “Yes.  To assist in translating.”  

 

“When he invites you to dinner.  Do not refuse.”  Castiel instructed.  

 

“Castiel, my vessel does not req-”  Gadreel stopped when Castiel began laughing.  There was no malice in his Grace, only amusement.  “I do not understand.”  

 

Castiel stood up and embraced his brother.  “I have learned, after much time with the Winchesters that being invited to break bread with them is a sign of trust.  If you eat, especially food they have made, it will please them both.”  

 

“Ah.”  Gadreel nodded.  “I see.  I shall accept such an offer if I receive one.”  

 

“Good.”  Castiel made his way back down around the desk and settled in again, beginning to work.  

 

“Thank you Castiel.”  Gadreel said.  

 

“You are very welcome.”  Castiel raised his eyes back to the Watcher.  “Take care of Sam, Gadreel.”  

 

“Of course.”  

 

Castiel watched the angel fly away and smiled.  Gadreel was good for Sam.  Their Father had chosen wisely.  

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LOOK, ANOTHER GIF-FIC BY THE AMAZING BLACKPURPLEWINGS. <3 
> 
> http://blackpurplewings.tumblr.com/post/98494667580
> 
> It's so very wonderful!! <3 Thank you so much you fantastic darling!!


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

When Gadreel arrived in the library, Sam was not there.  He looked around for a moment before settling into his usual seat.  He opened the book from the day before and continued where he had left off.  

 

An hour and seven minutes later, he heard raised voices outside the library and paused.  

 

“I don’t care Dean, he’s-”

 

“He helped Metatron!”  Dean shouted.  

 

“He saved my life, in case you forgot!”  Sam shouted back.  

 

Dean scoffed.  “So what, now you trust the bastard?”  

 

“Yes!”  Sam growled.  “Maybe you should give it a try!  Cas trusts him too!”  

 

“He-”

 

“He kept me from dying, he came back to our side when it mattered, and dammit Dean, I am not going to let you try and tell me who to be around!”  

 

“Sam!”  

 

Sam whirled on Dean, standing in front of the library door.  “He apologized.  He has done nothing but help me since he came back.  Cas trusts him.  I see no reason not to trust him!”  

 

“You trusted Ruby!”  

 

Sam sucked in a deep breath and turned away from his brother.  "So did you."  He opened the door and flinched when he saw Gadreel looking at him.

 

"Sam, this could be another mist-"

 

Sam shut the door on Dean and leaned back against it, his head falling back to look at the ceiling.  "I'm sorry."  

 

Gadreel tilted his head, studying Sam.  There was a dark grey cloud over Sam's soul, tainting the normal brilliant white light.  It was a cloud that came from within Sam.  Self-loathing, disgust, hate.  It was sad to witness.  "What are you apologizing for Sam?"  

 

Sam gave a wry laugh.  "You heard that, didn't you?"  

 

"Of course.  Your voices were raised."  Gadreel said, looking at him.   

 

"Right.  So, I'm sorry for that."  

 

"I do not understand."  Gadreel put down his pen and focused his attention on Sam.  

 

Sam waved at the door.  "For Dean.  For what he said."  

 

Gadreel tilted his head.  "His words hurt you far more than they hurt me.  They were designed to cause you pain.  Why would you apologize to me?"  

 

Sam sucked in a breath and walked away from the door.  "He doesn't think you should be here.  Said that I shouldn't trust you."  

 

"Do you trust me?"  Gadreel asked, surprised.  

 

Sam held up his hands and gave a wry grin.  "No angel blade today."  

 

Gadreel stared at Sam.  His Grace danced in delight inside him at the proclamation.  "Thank you Sam."  

 

Sam shook his head and picked up a book before sitting next to Gadreel.  "I've made so many mistakes.  Dean has never forgiven me for some of them.  Never will, really.  He likes to pull out some of them during our arguments."  

 

Gadreel nodded.  "I understand."  

 

Sam turned to snap that how could Gadreel understand that kind of a situation when he realized.  Gadreel had been the Watcher.  He'd made a mistake and had been locked up in Heaven's prison for many millennia as a result of that mistake.  A mistake his siblings likely still blamed him for.  "You really do, don't you?"  

 

"Of course."  Gadreel looked back down at the book.  "Your mistakes help define who you are, but they are not solely a representation of you, Sam.  Mistakes are...human."  He gave a small smile.  "You learn from them."  

 

Sam gave a harsh bark of a laugh.  "Yeah, I'm pretty sure most humans don't make the mistake of starting the apocalypse."  

 

"You stopped it.  A feat thought impossible by all sides but yourselves."  Gadreel pointed out.  "You allowed a new chapter to begin in Heaven."  

 

"Yeah.  A chapter Metatron started writing."  Sam scoffed.  He looked up at the ceiling.  "So many people have died because of my mistakes Gadreel.  I don't deserve to be forgiven."  

 

Gadreel stared at Sam and smiled.  "And yet you are.  You are good, Sam Winchester.  You are good.  You are forgiven.  Never doubt those things."  

 

Sam flinched and stood up from his chair, pacing away from Gadreel towards the back of the library.  He forced himself to take a slow breath, to try and breathe.  "I shouldn't be."  

 

"Why?"  

 

"Why don't you hate me!"  Sam shouted, turning to look at Gadreel.  "If my own brother hates me, hates what I've done, why don't you!"  

 

"Your brother does not hate you Sam.  He loves you.  You are the most important thing in his life.”  Gadreel said.  

 

Sam flinched.  “No, I’m not.”  

 

“You are.”  Gadreel contradicted.  “He worries for you.  He does not wish for you to be hurt.  I understand this.  I feel the same way for you.  I do not wish for you to be hurt.”  

 

Sam sighed and covered his hand with his face.  “I don’t want him to, to protect me!  I can protect myself!”  

 

“Yes.  You can.”  Gadreel stood up and walked closer to Sam, still keeping a few feet of distance between them.  “However, in your life Sam, protecting yourself often has the side effect of sacrificing yourself for your brother.  The same holds true for Dean.”  

 

Gadreel watched Sam start to breathe more normally and continued.  “Dean does not believe himself worthy of your sacrifice, which is why he fights so hard to protect you.”  

 

Sam sighed again and slumped into a chair.  “We’re a mess.  I’m sorry Gadreel.”  

 

“You do not need to apologize.”  Gadreel said.  He looked to the bookshelf.  “What is your favorite book Sam?”  

 

Sam glanced up at the angel and then at the bookshelves.  “To Kill A Mockingbird.  But there isn’t-”  He blinked when Gadreel was suddenly holding a copy.  “Right.”  

 

Gadreel settled into a seat not far from Sam and opened the slim book.  He looked down at it.  “I shall read to you.”  

 

Sam was about to protest when Gadreel began reading.  He closed his eyes and let Gadreel’s voice wash over him, the familiar words making him smile.  

 

An hour later, Gadreel carefully marked the spot in the book that they had stopped at, looking up at Sam, sleeping peacefully in the chair.  His body clearly needed the rest.  He smiled and left Sam alone to sleep.  

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many feels around Sam's favorite book being To Kill A Mockingbird. So many feels. Whenever I finally make it to an SPN con, I plan on asking Jared what Sam's favorite book is, but until I do, this is my assumed headcanon for it!


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

 

_Yo, Gadreel!  Get your ass down here now!  Sam needs you!_

Gadreel appeared near the voice that had called him a moment later and stared at the ring of holy fire that was lit around him, trapping him in the space.  He looked at Dean Winchester and tilted his head.  "Dean, where is Sam?"

 

Dean waved the question off.  "Sam's fine.  He's sleeping.  I need to talk to you and figure out what your motives are."  

 

"Motives?"  

 

"Yeah, motives.  I'm not buying this whole you came back from the dead and wish to be his best friend bullshit."  Dean said, flipping the angel blade in his hands.  "So, we're going to get some answers."  

 

Gadreel stared at the blade for a long moment and then looked up to Dean.  "I will answer whatever questions you ask."  

 

Dean huffed.  "We'll see about that.  Why are you visiting my brother?  Are you trying to get close to him?"  

 

"I wish for your brother to trust me.  I only visit when he asks."  Gadreel said.  

 

Dean narrowed his eyes.  "Why do you want Sam to trust you?"  

 

Gadreel paused a moment.  "Sam is not the first to have made a mistake that you can never be forgiven for and to be punished for it.  I...it is pleasing to have the company of someone who understands that."  He looked at Dean and saw surprise on his face.  

 

"I don't like what game you are playing at Gadreel.  You die and then come back and suddenly you're all profoundly bonded to Sam-"

 

"If I was not, it is a very real possibility that I would have delivered your brother to Heaven already.  That werewolf would have killed him."  

 

Dean flinched and held the blade out in front of him.  "Yeah, so you can get him to trust you.  Perfect way to gain our trust."  

 

Gadreel shook his head and looked at Dean.  "I did it for no reason other than to save Sam's life."

 

"I don't believe you."  

 

"I do not need you to.  I am Sam's Guardian Angel in the same way that Castiel is yours."  Gadreel watched Dean falter for the first time, the blade falling to his side.  

 

"You're...Cas is...?"  

 

Gadreel nodded.  "Castiel's mark was left on you.  Sam's was gifted to him by my father.  I believe he wished for Sam and I to know each other."  

 

Dean focused in on Gadreel.  "If I ask Cas, he'll tell me everything you are?"  

 

"Yes.  You may summon him if you like."  When Dean did not make any move, Gadreel tilted his head again.  "What other questions do you have for me Dean Winchester?"  

 

"How..."  Dean grumbled and glared at the angel.  "How do you feel about Sam?"  

 

"I do not understand your question."  

 

"Just, fuck, just answer it."  Dean ordered.  

 

"Are you asking what feelings Sam inspires in me?"  Gadreel offered.  "If so, love, protectiveness, worry, fear, happiness, joy-"

 

"Wait, wait, wait, back the fuck up."  Dean said.  "Love?  Like, love-love?  Or love?"  

 

Gadreel frowned.  "That...did not clarify your question."  

 

Dean stared up at the ceiling and sighed.  "Platonic love?  Like, friendship?  Or romantic love?"  

 

Gadreel waited a long moment before answering.  "May I ask Castiel?"  

 

"What the fuck do you need to ask Castiel for?  Just answer the question!"  

 

"Angels do not...segment love into different types.  I do not know the answer to your question, because I have never had to describe them differently.  I feel love for Sam Winchester.  Your definitions do not...make it clear."  Gadreel explained.  

 

Dean pressed his hand to his face and clenched his eyes shut.  "Fine.  Cas!"  

 

Castiel appeared in front of them both a moment later and frowned at Dean.  “Dean, why do you have Gadreel trapped in a ring of Holy Fire?”  

 

Dean glared back at Cas.  “I needed to talk to him.”  

 

“You could have asked to do so without the fire.”  Castiel said, turning back to Gadreel.  “Why did you call me down?”  

 

Gadreel looked at Castiel and reached out with his Grace to touch his brother, seeking to understand Dean’s question.  He felt Castiel’s surprise, then understanding.  

 

“Are you two, chatting through Angel Radio or something?”  Dean asked, his eyes flitting between Cas and Gadreel.  Cas had that faraway look he normally got when he used his Grace for stuff.  

 

“I am asking him the question the only way I know how.”  Gadreel said, opening his eyes slowly to look at Dean.  “I still do not have an answer that will satisfy you Dean.  But I care for your brother.  I will not let any harm come to him if I can prevent it.”  

 

Dean glared at Gadreel.  “Would you die for him?”  

 

Gadreel met Dean’s eyes and stood tall.  “I believe I can say that I have already proven that I would.”  

 

Dean frowned.  

 

"I would sacrifice myself for your brother Dean.  Just as Castiel would, and has, sacrificed himself for you."  

 

Dean scowled and glared at Cas.  "I told you I didn't want you doing any more bullshit like that!"  

 

"That does not mean the sentiment is unchanged Dean."  Castiel said, taking a bottle of water from a nearby shelf and tossing it onto the circle of holy oil.  

 

Gadreel looked down at the flames, before back up at Dean.  "You do not need to trust me Dean.  I understand that you will not.  You have been hurt in the past by such trust.  But I will not harm Sam.  You have my word, sworn on my Father.  I will not harm your brother."  

 

Dean scowled as Gadreel disappeared and turned to Cas.  "Why did you let him out!"  

 

"Because he feels for Sam the way I feel for you.  I could not ask for a better guardian for Sam, Dean."  Castiel explained.  

 

Dean glared.  "I'm not going to trust him!"  

 

"Sam does."  

 

"Sam's judgement sucks!"  Dean spat, cleaning up the rest of the stuff from the summoning.  

 

Castiel watched Dean, his head tilted.  "Did yours, Dean?"  

 

Dean threw the ingredients for the summoning.  "I didn't trust you after a couple of weeks when you sent me a couple of boxes of tea!"  

 

"I also did not inhabit your body as a vessel and talk to you during that time."  Castiel stepped closer to Dean and backed him up against the wall.  

 

"The only reason you trusted me at all in the beginning, Dean, was because your soul knew my Grace.  You know me at a level your mind cannot comprehend.  You fought against it, for years."  He growled.  

 

Dean stared at Cas, his eyes wide, swallowing hard.  "Cas-"

 

"I know every part of you there is to know, Dean.  Your deeds in Hell, your time on the rack.  Your guilt, your rage, your joy.  I know all of it."  Castiel said, his voice a quiet snarl.  "Gadreel is the only reason we were able to stop Metatron.  The only reason, Dean.  That alone, earned my trust.  But he has found a camaraderie in Sam he will _never_ find in heaven.  I will not allow you take that from him."  

 

Dean shoved Cas back, glaring at him.  "And what about Sam, huh?  What about him in this whole mess?"  

 

"Gadreel has given him choice Dean!  He has never appeared without Sam's explicit permission and every gift he has given Sam, it has been Sam's choice to use them!"  Castiel stared at Dean.  "What more would you ask of him?  He has given Sam things you refuse to!"  

 

"What?  What the fuck does that mean?"  

 

Castiel shook his head.  "It is not important.  But I would ask you to trust me Dean.  Gadreel will not hurt Sam."  

 

"Cas!"  Dean shouted when the angel disappeared.  "Dammit Cas!"

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. THIS CHAPTER WAS GIVEN SOME AMAZING FANART. (I SHIT YOU NOT, IT IS FANTASTIC AND Y'ALL NEED TO GO DROOL OVER IT.) Please visit the link here: http://nonexistenz.tumblr.com/post/99609538932/real-quick-drawing-i-did-after-i-read-chapter-6-of
> 
> And make sure to tell the artist how fantastic/fabulous/amazing it is and reblog it so more people can share in the glory that IS CUDDLING SADREEL WITH A WING-HUG. <3

  
  


 

Sam jumped in surprise when Gadreel appeared in the library, a scent he recognized clinging to the angel.  “Gadreel!  Are you all right?”

 

Gadreel looked his vessel over, unsure if he appeared to be injured.  "I assure you that I am fine Sam."  

 

"Then why do you smell like Holy Oil and fire?"  Sam frowned and crossed his arms over his chest.  "Dean summoned you, didn't he?  Did he hurt you?  I'm going to kill him."  

 

"No, no, it is fine.  He simply wanted to ask questions and-"

 

Sam groaned.  "He trapped you in a ring of holy oil!"

 

"Dean is simply worried about you."  Gadreel said.  "I am unharmed."  

 

Sam sank back down into his chair and covered his face with his arms.  "What did he ask you?"  

 

"He wished to know my intentions for seeking your friendship and understand if I had ulterior motives."  

 

"And do you?"

 

Gadreel sat down at the table beside Sam.  "If earning your trust and potentially your respect is an ulterior motive...then yes."  

 

Sam sighed and stared down at the book under his arm.  "I'm sorry my brother is such a dick."  

 

"You are not the only one with such a brother.  I have many myself.  But he cares about you Sam."  Gadreel said, pulling a blank piece of paper closer.   

 

"I'd like for him to be a little less obsessed, thank you."  Sam mumbled, lifting his head.  

 

Gadreel smiled.  "I believe such is the case of all younger brothers with their older brothers."  

 

Sam looked over at Gadreel and smiled.  "Even you."  

 

Gadreel met Sam's eyes and felt his Grace swell at the happiness he could see in Sam.  "Even me."  

 

Sam nodded and turned his attention back to the book.  "Good to know I'm not alone at least."

 

"You are never alone."  Gadreel said, glancing over at Sam again.  "Even if you wish to be.  I will be there should you need me."

 

Sam bit down on the swell of his heart at that statement.  Gadreel could say that now.  He didn't mean it.  Didn't actually mean anything.  Never did.  But then...Gadreel had been there when the werewolf had attacked, even without asking.  

 

Gadreel could see the dark grey doubt creeping over Sam's soul and shifted so his Grace could brush lightly against Sam.  Only a moment, and the gentlest of touches, but he could see the brightness of Sam's soul again.  

 

Sam fell into the rhythm of translating, focusing in on it.  His eyes started to drift slowly shut between paragraphs before he slumped to the side.  

 

Gadreel froze when the weight of Sam suddenly slumped against him, Sam’s head resting on his shoulder.  Sam was breathing steadily, his chest rising and falling, his mouth open slightly as he breathed.  Gadreel closed his eyes and stayed just where he was, savoring this show of trust from Sam.  

 

It was only after an hour, when Sam had drifted off into a deeper sleep that Gadreel extended his wing (still invisible to the eye of a human) to wrap gently around Sam and keep him warm.  Sam moved a fraction closer and the remaining tension left his body.  Gadreel stared at the human, his Grace dancing in pleasure at the relaxation he could feel from Sam.  

 

Gadreel closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, cradling Sam close to him, as he had once before.  The action brought him peace.  

  
  


~!~!~

  
  
  


Sam blinked slowly as he realized he was still sitting in the library.  His mind snapped to alertness and he jolted upright, rubbing at his face.  He turned and stared at the sight of Gadeel looking back at him.  “Why are you still here?”  

 

“You fell asleep on me and I did not wish to disturb you.”  Gadreel explained.  

 

Sam groaned.  “You should have just woken me up!”

 

Gadreel continued to look at Sam.  “Your body clearly required the rest.”  He explained. 

 

“That doesn’t mean you let me lay on you!  Fuck, how long was I sleeping for?”  

 

“Six hours and twenty seven minutes.”  Gadreel answered.  

 

Sam rubbed his forehead with his hand.  “Dammit.  I’m sorry for falling asleep on you, I’m sure you had places to be.”  

 

Gadreel shook his head.  “I did not have places I needed to be.  I wished to be here, and I was.  I will leave you to your rest now.”  

 

“Gadreel?”  

 

The angel paused and turned to look at Sam.  “Yes?”  

 

Sam swallowed and stared at Gadreel and took a deep breath.  “You said, despite my mistakes, I was forgiven, right?”  

 

Gadreel nodded.  “Of course Sam.”  

 

“Did you forgive Cas?  For what he did?  For what happened in heaven?”  Sam asked, staring down at the floor.  

 

Gadreel stepped closer and placed one finger under Sam's chin, tilting his face up.  "I did.  All of his siblings did.  The only one who has not forgiven him his transgressions?  Is himself."  

 

Sam swallowed hard, staring at Gadreel.  "They did?"  

 

"Of course."  Gadreel said, his voice soft.  "He is our brother, Sam.  We love him, just as your brother loves you."  

 

Sam jerked back from Gadreel's touch and made his way to the door of the library.  He paused with his hand on the knob.  He had no idea if Gadreel was still in the room or not, but...

 

"Just for the record then.  I forgive you.  For...what happened."  Sam managed to get the words out of his mouth and then opened the door and slipped out, heading towards his bedroom.

 

Gadreel stared at the door for a long time.  He was not sure the precise timing, but when he left the bunker, the sun was in the sky and the clouds he flew through were a myriad of colors.  He flew to Castiel, landing in front of his sibling, breathless.  

 

"Is everything all right Gadreel?"  Castiel lifted his head to look at his brother and studied him for a moment.  He had raised his Grace in song, a joyous one that echoed around Heaven to those who could hear it.  The happiness was palatable.  "What has happened?"  

 

Gadreel closed his eyes and left his vessel.  This was nothing a human expression could explain.  His Grace met Castiel's, his emotions swelling in rapture as he explained to Castiel what had happened, luxuriating in the joy of forgiveness he did not deserve, but had somehow earned.  

 

Castiel danced with his brother, pleased for him.  It was a simple joy, one that his brother had deserved and had been well-deserved.  After a time, he urged them back to their vessels.  He could hear Dean calling for him and he would need to answer.  

 

"If you will excuse me."  Castiel said, standing, as he smiled at his brother.  

 

Gadreel nodded, unable to keep his Voice contained as he sang his joy.  

 

Castiel nodded back to his brother and spread his wings.  "Sam will call for you again today.  Listen for his call."  He cautioned, before flying to Dean.  

 

Heaven rang with the sound and dance of Gadreel's Voice for many hours after Castiel departed.  It pleased him to hear such unabashed pleasure from one such as Gadreel.  

  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the chapter delay! I kept coming home and passing out and forgetting to post this when I woke up again. HERE IS THE CHAPTER YOU LOVELY DARLINGS. <3
> 
> LOOK AT THIS LOVELY ART THAT BLACKPURPLEWINGS DID FOR MEEEEEEE: http://blackpurplewings.tumblr.com/post/99930642840

  
  


 

Gadreel listened carefully for the sound of Sam's voice to call for him as it had so many times for the past few weeks.  He knew it better than any sound, heaven or earth.  He knew the touch of Sam's soul, bright, vibrant, and so very beautiful.  However, Sam did not call for him.  

 

Gadreel worried, but decided that, as all things Castiel had cautioned him with Sam, he would be patient.  Sam was safe, and he was content.  There were no ill-feelings from him and Gadreel allowed himself to relax and to sink into the embrace of Heaven that he had been denied for so long.  

 

Time passed and he was surprised to hear Castiel call for him.  In a moment, Gadreel appeared in front of Castiel, looking around the room of the bunker.  It was the more central room and they did not appear to be in danger.  

 

"Brother?"  

 

Castiel smiled at Gadreel and turned to look at Dean with a raised eyebrow.  

 

Dean huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.  "Cas mentioned you might like to try food.  If you're going to try it, I'm going to be the one to make it.  And you're going to like it."  He pointed the spatula at Gadreel.  "Understand?"  

 

Gadreel glanced at Castiel briefly and nodded.  "I would be honored to try any food that you make, Dean."  

 

Dean narrowed his eyes and blew out a breath.  "All right, go hang out with Sam and Cas on the couch over there.  Food'll be ready in a little bit."  

 

Gadreel watched Dean retreat into the kitchen and looked to the couch where Sam was holding a beer and grinning.  He turned his eyes to Castiel, confused.  

 

"Gadreel, come sit down.  You're invited to dinner, stop looking so thunderstruck."  Sam called, taking another sip of his beer.  "Maybe you can actually tell us an angelic joke, unlike Cas."  

 

Castiel smiled at his brother again and moved to take his seat next to Sam once again.  "Yes, please join us Gadreel."  

 

Gadreel nodded and eased into the seat beside Sam.  "I do know several jokes that you would perhaps find entertaining."  

 

"As long as we don't hear 'it's funnier in Enochian' one more time!"  Dean shouted from the kitchen.  

 

Gadreel gave Sam and Castiel a confused look.  "I do not-"

 

"Nevermind, nevermind.  Just tell us a joke."  Sam waved off Dean's shout from the kitchen and grinned at Gadreel.  

 

Gadreel nodded.  "Of course.  There was once a goat..."  

  
  


~!~!~

  
  


Sam groaned and sank back into the couch.  "We should give up Dean.  We are never going to get angel-humor."  

 

Castiel laughed and shared another smile with Gadreel.  "I do like the idea of having someone to share jokes with that the two of them do not understand.  They did that to me for several years."  

 

"Then it is only fair."  Gadreel said, taking another bite of his 'cheeseburger'.  It was quite delicious as food went.  He was enjoying it a great deal.  

 

Dean snorted.  "As long as there is no porn involved."  

 

"Yeah, Cas, Dean only needs to see your boners in private, not in front of me."  Sam teased, finishing off his beer.  

 

“Sam!  I do not see Cas’s boners in pri-”

 

Sam scoffed.  “You aren’t fooling anyone Dean.  Shut up.  Also, I pass your room on the way to the bathroom.  You two are fucking loud.”  

 

Gadreel tilted his head in confusion, and looked at Castiel.  His Grace was both pleased and...nervous.  Was Castiel worried about how he would react?  “I am pleased for you Castiel.  You are happy.”  

 

Both Sam and Castiel looked at him a moment later and Gadreel stared back at them.  Had he said something that would offend the Winchesters?  But Cas’s Grace was shining even brighter, the nervousness fading away into joy.  

 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re done with the lovefest.  Gadreel, scoot your ass over, four people can fit on this couch.”  Dean picked up the remote to the TV.  “We’re going to teach you about the glory that is Star Wars.”  

 

Gadreel nodded and settled into the couch.  Sam was pressed to him and it was not long before he could feel the human growing tired, his body slumping.  Gadreel glanced towards Castiel and extended his wing, gently tugging Sam towards him, to lay on his shoulder once again.  

 

There was a burst of pleasure from Castiel that Gadreel did not understand.  He stilled himself and allowed Sam to press closer.  There was no chair between them now and Sam continued to move in further, until there was no space left.  Gadreel turned his head slowly and then rested his cheek on top of Sam’s head.  The position felt natural.  

 

Gadreel closed his eyes and wrapped his wing around Sam again, aware of Castiel doing the same to Dean next to him.  They were precious creatures, these humans.  Their charges.  With souls so bright that had fought through so much.  They deserved to be protected and cherished.  Sam most of all.  He smiled against Sam’s hair.  Castiel likely thought the same of Dean.  

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, the goat-thing? If you haven't seen the explanation of the 'You breed with the mouth of a goat' joke on tumblr, let me know and I'll clarify. 
> 
> ....but just in case. GADREEL IS ESSENTIALLY TELLING DIRTY-TALKING JOKES THAT ONLY HE AND CAS GET AND I WILL NEVER NOT FIND THAT FUNNY. <3
> 
> http://aria-lerendeair.tumblr.com/post/99674072321/yourbrobrooke-sockmonkeyrenegade-nyxocity -- SEE?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter now! Because I couldn't break this up anywhere without feeling cruel!

  
  


 

It had been a few days since Sam had called for him, but Gadreel knew that Sam and Dean had taken a hunt and had been busy.  Castiel had also informed him that this was common for both of them.  As hunters, they were driven to protect those who could not protect themselves.  

 

Gadreel understood that about Sam.  As he understood many things.  They were both driven by the same urge.  The urge to protect and care for those in their charge.  It was a truly noble pursuit.  One he admired greatly in the human.  

 

"Gadreel."  

 

"Brother."  Gadreel smiled at Castiel as he appeared next to him on the edge of the canyon.  "Is all well with you?"  

 

Castiel sat down next to Gadreel.  "Yes.  I do need to speak with you."  

 

Gadreel turned his attention fully to his brother.  "Yes.  Of course.  How can I help you Castiel?"  

 

"I need to understand something.  And I believe this is the same question that Dean asked you, but there will be a different answer now."  Castiel explained.  

 

Gadreel frowned, but nodded.  "I will, of course, answer any question that you ask of me Castiel."  

 

Castiel cleared his throat.  "What do you feel for Sam Winchester?"  

 

Gadreel looked at Castiel.  "May I inquire as to why you are asking?"  

 

"Sam approached me and his line of questioning has me concerned.  He asked me several questions about you."  Castiel explained.  

 

"What sort of questions?"  

 

"He inquired as to the nature of my relationship with his brother.  How a relationship between an angel and a human can work.  I believe-"  

 

"You believe that Sam Winchester has both carnal and emotional attachment to this vessel?"  Gadreel asked, tilting his head.  

 

"To you, Gadreel."  Castiel clarified.  "What, to us, is a vessel, to them, you are the body you inhabit.  Tamoh is no longer residing in that body, you have told me this yourself.  It is you.  As you are in heaven, so you are on earth."  

 

Gadreel frowned.  "I do not believe that you are correct in your assessment Castiel."  

 

"If Sam were to offer you such a relationship-"

 

"He will not."  Gadreel said, rubbing his Grace against his brother's to soothe the hurt of his statement.  "Sam may trust me, may regard me as a friend, but I will never be more to him.  He has been hurt too many times in the past." 

 

Castiel stood and brushed off his pants for a moment.  "He has,"  He agreed.  "However, he has forgiven you and grown to trust you over these past few months."  

 

Gadreel looked out across the canyon again.  "You are describing nothing more than a friendship, Castiel."  

 

Castiel was quiet for many long moments as the sun set behind the horizon.  "Perhaps.  I have only experience to guide me."  He looked at Gadreel and slowly brushed his wing over his brother's.  

 

"It is that experience that tells me that I denied something for many years.  Something that has made me truly happy.  I hid it under the guise of friendship as well Gadreel.  Sam will approach you.  Be clear.  Do not attempt to protect him.  They are stronger than we give them credit for."  Castiel advised.  

 

"I will take your advice.  Thank you Castiel."  Gadreel said, watching the last of the light fade from the clouds.  Another moment later, Castiel was gone from his presence.  

 

Gadreel stared at the stars for a very long time.  

 

If Sam Winchester did care for him the same way Dean Winchester did for Castiel....what would he do?  Was there even a question for him to ask?  It was Sam.  

 

Gadreel stared at the dying light of the day until it was gone and the skies were clear.  He did not know how to do what Sam might wish.  He had never been mated with one of his brothers or sisters.  During the era of the Nephilim, he had been long since locked away.  

 

Though with Sam, there was no risk of a Nephilim.  Perhaps a dog.  Sam had often professed a dream for one, and in his heaven, there were two waiting for him.  Gadreel tilted his head back to look at the stars.  

 

When humans spoke of love, they spoke of fierce passion, of emotions that consumed one until there was nothing left but that feeling.  Gadreel frowned.  He felt protective of Sam, certainly.  But did he feel that level of emotion?  

 

He did not know the answer to that question.  

  
  


~!~!~!

  
  


When Sam called for him, Gadreel debated answering for the first time since he had promised to always appear to Sam.  Even after additional meditation, he had not been able to figure out an answer to the question Castiel had asked him.  When Sam’s voice came a second time, more hesitantly, Gadreel willed himself to Sam in a heartbeat.  He appeared directly in front of Sam, his speed making it difficult to control his precise location.  “Hello Sam.”

 

They were close, far closer than humans normally stood together.  Castiel had attempted to explain the concept of a human’s personal space, but Gadreel had stopped trying to understand.  He and Sam were less than a foot apart.  He tilted his head up to look at Sam and watched his pupils dilate.  Strange.  Beautiful.  

 

"I apologize for my tardiness Sam.  I was meditating and could not respond to your call immediately."  Gadreel said, continuing to stare at the human.  Sam's breathing was heavier than normal, but he appeared otherwise unaffected.  Not an injury.  

 

Sam cleared his throat and stepped away from Gadreel shaking his head as he sank down into his chair.  "It's fine, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your meditation."  

 

"You have interrupted nothing Sam."  Gadreel said, taking his normal seat beside Sam.  "I was the one who was tardy, not yourself.  There is no need to apologize."  

 

Sam relaxed and smiled at Gadreel.  "I'll keep that in mind."  He cleared his throat and looked down at the book in front of him, pushing it towards Gadreel.  "I'm having trouble reading the handwriting, and I think this is sanskrit.  Is it?"  

 

Gadreel leaned closer to Sam and looked over his shoulder.  "Ah.  Yes."  He traced his fingers over the words gently and the ink began to darken so Sam would be able to see it with ease.  He smiled, his fingers lingering over the book.  "Written by a woman.  Even rarer."  

 

"A...?"  Sam looked back down at the book in shock.  "But women-"

 

"The more recent conventions of women and their abilities was not always the case with humans.  There have been, and are time periods, where women are truly equals and are treated as such."  Gadreel said, fingering the edge of the paper.  

 

Sam grinned down at the book.  "Awesome.  So, get this, I was looking through the library and I found this in a hidden compartment behind another book.  It's at least important and I am trying to figure out why.  Can you help me translate it?"  

 

"Of course."  Gadreel said, pulling the book closer.  "Would you like me to use our usual method for the translation?"  

 

Sam blinked at Gadreel for a moment and grinned, nodding.  "Uh, yeah, that'd be great."  He stood and strode over to the bookshelf, clearing his throat as he grabbed another random book to categorize and made his way back over to the table.  

 

Gadreel frowned at the volume in Sam's hand.  "Sam?  Does that book require your attention?  You pulled it from your already categorized and translated section, and it is a book written in the past century."  

 

Sam glanced down at the book and flushed dark red when he realized he was holding a copy of Encyclopedia Britannica.  He pressed his hand to his face and swore.  

 

Gadreel watched Sam make his way back over to the bookshelf and tilted his head to the side.  "Sam?"

 

Sam walked a little further down the bookshelf and grabbed one of the actual books he needed to be working on.  "Yeah?"  

 

"Are you all right?"  Gadreel asked, placing his pen down on the spare paper next to the book.  "You seem...frustrated."  

 

Sam blew out a breath and looked back at Gadreel.  Concerned green eyes looked back at him and he felt his heart turn over in his chest.  Is this what Dean felt like every time he got in a staring contest with Cas?  No wonder they'd done serious amounts of eye fucking.

 

"Sam?"  

 

Sam cleared his throat and brought the book back to the table, setting it down.  "I'm fine Gadreel."  

 

Gadreel nodded and turned back to the book, picking up his pen again.  "I am here if you wish to talk about it.  Castiel has told me that often you and your brother do not speak about the things that bother you."  

 

"Yeah."  Sam huffed out a laugh.  "We're repressed fuckers, much more than most."  He looked up at the ceiling and then back down to the book.  He shifted in the chair and focused his attention on the book.  

 

"Why?"  Gadreel asked.  "I am only curious.  You do not need to answer."

 

Sam thought about it.  The text in front of him swam in front of his eyes.  He closed them a moment later and sighed again.  "That's just how we were raised.  Keep stuff bottled in, because if you were emotional and unfocused, you could end up dead."  

 

"I will not allow you to die if it is within my power to stop it."  Gadreel said, still watching Sam, his pen poised on the edge of the paper.  

 

"I believe that!"  Sam said, unable to keep from grinning.  "I think you've convinced both Dean and I of that now.  What I don't get is why."

 

Gadreel tilted his head to the side.  "You are my charge.  You are worth saving.  I need no other reason."

 

Sam's smile grew wistful and he looked back down at the book, the words in my clearer focus now.  "I suppose that you are right about that.  What other reason could you ever need?"  

 

Gadreel laid his pen down and turned his chair to face Sam, watching as Sam jumped in surprise.  "Sam."  

 

Sam tensed and stared at Gadreel, swallowing hard.  "Y-yeah?"

 

"Do you have a question for me?"  

 

Sam sighed and hung his head for a moment before pushing his hair up and out of his face.  "Cas talked to you, didn't he?"  

 

Gadreel nodded.  "Yes."  

 

Sam cursed and pushed himself back from the table.  He stood up and paced towards the door.  "Didn't he think I could do it?  Why did he have to run around playing the hero for me?"  

 

"I do not understand why you are angry Sam."  

 

"I'm not angry!"  Sam shouted.  

 

Gadreel raised an eyebrow.  "The volume of your voice would suggest otherwise."  

 

Sam flinched and leaned against the bookshelf, staring at Gadreel, still sitting so calmly at the table.  "You know how Cas feels about Dean?"  

 

"I do."  

 

"You know my brother feels the same way, though he'd have to be dying to admit it out loud?"  Sam chewed on his lip.  

 

"I was unaware the lengths it would take him to admit it, but yes."  Gadreel admitted.  

 

Sam crossed his arms over his chest, staring at the angel.  "And you, you're unmated?  Or whatever words angels use for it?"  

 

"Yes."  Gadreel said.  Castiel's advice of being honest with Sam rang in his mind as he stared at the human.  The tension in Sam's body could not possibly be healthy.  "I was in the prisons of heaven for a long time Sam."  

 

Sam flinched.  "And...now?  Don't you want to find some angel to mate with and you can have kids with and-"

 

"Sam."  Gadreel interrupted.  "You know the answer to that question."  

 

"No, I don't and that's the fucking problem!"  Sam said, raising his voice again as he glared at Gadreel.  

 

Gadreel stood up from the table slowly, walking around it to stand in front of Sam.  “Yes, you do, Sam.”  Sam started to tremble in front of him, his body shaking.  He took another step forward and pressed his hand to Sam’s heart, his Grace reaching out to slowly envelope Sam’s soul, offering him comfort.  

 

“Is that you…?”  Sam whispered, staring at Gadreel, warmth suffusing every part of his body.  He felt hugged if hugs were clouds of warmth that could wrap around all of him.  

 

Gadreel nodded.  “My Grace.  You were...troubled.”  

 

Sam’s eyes dropped to half-lidded and he stared at Gadreel.  “You feel warm.  Familiar.”  

 

“I cradled you in my Grace while I healed you.  Much like this.”  Gadreel said, looking up at Sam.  “Your soul was so wounded, but still the brightest thing I have ever seen.  It was beautiful.  Is, beautiful.”  

 

“You must have been looking at some other soul.”  Sam said, backing up away from Gadreel, letting his hand fall back down to his side.  Immediately, the warmth left him and he shivered.  “Couldn’t have been mi-”

 

“It was.”  Gadreel said.  “Your soul.  Bright, beautiful.  Barely held together, only with sheer will and nothing else.  You are so strong.  And you believe you are so undeserving.  Why?”  

 

Sam shook his head and grabbed the doorknob, yanking open the library door to turn and leave the room behind.  

 

Gadreel stared at the opened door for a long moment.  He felt...disappointed?  Why?  Because Sam did not believe himself deserving of care?  Or that he believed his soul was tarnished somehow?  He could pursue Sam through the bunker.  He could feel Sam’s soul, so close, within reach.  It was shrouded in self-loathing, darkening the normally resplendent light.  

 

“What are you doing standing there like that?”  

 

Gadreel snapped to attention and focused on Dean, now standing in the doorway.  “I’m sorry?”  

 

“You look like someone shot your dog and you got told it wasn’t going to make it.”  Dean said, crossing his arms over his chest.  “Where’s Sam?”  

 

Gadreel looked through the wall to where Sam’s soul was.  “He is in his room.  Will you visit him?  He requires comfort.”  

 

Dean growled and stepped into the library.  “What did you do to him!  Fuck, I knew it, I knew you were going to-”

 

“I told him his soul was beautiful.”  Gadreel interrupted, still looking at the wall.  Sam’s soul was even more dark now, only a fraction of it’s normal bright light.  “His soul is so beautiful, but he is in pain now.  Will you help him Dean?  Please?”  

 

Dean scowled at Gadreel.  “He doesn’t want me comforting him.”  When the angel didn’t bother to look away from the wall, he huffed.  “He wants you, you dumbass.”  

 

Gadreel shook his head and looked to Dean for a moment.  “He does not.  He just left my presence.”  

 

Dean stared at the ceiling for a long moment.  Cas was gonna fucking owe him for this.  So was Sam.  “He wants you there.  Take my word for it.  Don’t let him push you away.  Just be there.  Offer him cuddles or whatever the fuck girly shit he needs.  Kid has been through way too fucking much.”  

 

“I am aware.  I was in his body.”  Gadreel said.  

 

“Right.  So, go fucking remind him you don’t care about any of the shit he’s done and you aren’t leaving.  He needs to hear that.  I’ll tell him tomorrow.”  Dean stalked back out of the library and down the hall.  

 

Gadreel stared at the open doorway that Dean had vacated and considered his options.  He could watch over Sam invisibly, but it was clear that the human required the presence of another.  Steeling himself from the rejection that was likely, Gadreel made his way to Sam's room and knocked on the door.  

 

"Fuck off Dean!"  Sam shouted, curling up tighter on the bed.  He was a fool.  Of course Gadreel knew.  He'd seen everything.  He would never be more than a charge.  Dammit.  He was a fool.  A fool a hundred times over.  

 

"It's Gadreel."  The angel called through the door.

 

Sam froze and turned to look at the door in surprise.  "I...come in?"  He called out, clearing his throat at the rasp in his voice.  When Gadreel stepped into the room and closed his eyes, Sam had already managed to slip on a pair of boxers and get out of bed.  "Gadreel, what are you doing here, what's wrong?"  

 

Gadreel walked closer to Sam, pushing him back down on the bed carefully.  "Nothing is wrong.  You require comfort."  

 

"I don't require anything."  Sam managed to grit out through his teeth.  

 

Gadreel stepped up close and pressed his hand to Sam's chest, reaching out with his Grace again.  This time he let some of it sink into Sam, peeling away some of the layers of darkness around his soul.  "You are so very good Sam."  He whispered.  

 

Sam choked on a sob and turned his head away.  "No, no I'm not, not after everything I've done, with how many people I've let down, I'm not, I can't be, there's no way."  He mumbled, his body swaying as he leaned into the angel.  

 

"Sam."  Gadreel interrupted softly.  "Listen to me.  You have done terrible things.  You have done great things.  What we, what Heaven, measure you by, is your soul.  You have the brightest I have ever seen.  You are so very, inherently good, it shines through every level of your being."  He waited until surprised hazel eyes met his.  "You are good, Sam Winchester, and you deserve everything."  

 

Sam swayed forward and wrapped his arms around Gadreel's waist, dropping his face into Gadreel's neck.  "How are you so certain...?"  He mumbled.  "How d'you know?"  

 

Gadreel pulled away enough to stare at Sam.  "You are you.  I know every piece of you, as Castiel does for Dean.  I speak with the certainty of someone who knows all of you Sam Winchester."  

 

Sam shook, his hands clenching in the fabric of Gadreel's blue jacket that he was wearing.  "Gadreel, I can't-" 

 

"You can."  Gadreel said, his voice ringing in soft authority.  "You can, Sam.  Trust me."  

 

Sam looked at Gadreel, desperate.  "I do, I do believe you."  

 

"Tell me what you want, Sam."  Gadreel demanded, keeping his voice soft.  

 

Sam choked on another sob, but he stared at the angel.  "You."  

 

"You have me."  Gadreel said.  

 

“No, no, you don’t understand, I don’t think Cas understands-”

 

“Sam.”  Gadreel interrupted, pressing a fingertip to his lips. “You have me.”  Pain-filled hazel eyes looked at him again and he smiled.  “Every piece of me, Sam.”  

 

Sam choked on another sob and wrapped his arms around Gadreel, tugging the angel into his arms, hugging him tight.  “Please, I don’t…”  He didn’t know how to ask for the touch of Gadreel’s grace again.  

 

Gadreel closed his eyes and reached for Sam’s soul, wrapping him up in his Grace, pressing it close to Sam.  “I am here.”  He whispered.  

 

Sam nodded into Gadreel’s neck and focused on breathing.  That warmth ( _Gadreel’s Grace_ ) was wrapped around him again, holding him so carefully.  “Gadreel…”  He whispered.  

 

“I have you Sam.  You are safe.  You are protected.  You are loved.”  Gadreel whispered, maneuvering them back to the bed.  A moment later he had Sam situated under the covers and in the bed.  A thought after, he was in bed, his arms once more wrapped around Sam.  “You are safe, you are protected, you are loved.”  He said again, reaching up to comb his fingers through Sam’s hair.  

 

Sam sagged into the touch of Gadreel’s fingers in his hair and clenched his eyes shut, trying not to think about how he didn't deserve this, that it was an angel telling him this.  He wasn't worthy, he didn't deserve this.  

 

"Shhh."  Gadreel whispered, pressing a kiss to Sam's forehead.  The touch was natural, instinctual.  "You are safe.  You are protected and you are so very loved Sam Winchester.  Sleep."  He added, continuing to hold onto the taller man as his shaking began to subside.  

 

When Sam managed to slip into sleep, it was the deep kind, immovable and truly restful.  Gadreel stayed in the bed, pressed close to Sam.  There had been no choice, as he had thought.  If Sam needed such simple things as belief in love...

 

Well.  Those were the two things angels had been created for.  Gadreel stared down at Sam and kept watch over Sam's dreams as he slept.  Thankfully, the dream was relaxing and he did not need to intrude on Sam's privacy any further.  

 

Gadreel allowed himself to close his eyes.  Castiel had warned him that the Winchesters did not like to be observed while they slept.  Perhaps if he mimicked sleep, then Sam would not be angry at his presence.  

  
  
  


 


	9. Chapter 9

  
  


 

Sam stirred, his brain coming back online slowly.  He felt like he'd slept on the world's best mattress, everything floaty and fantastic.  He smiled until the arm around his waist shifted, and he realized that Gadreel was in bed beside him.  

 

He sat bolt upright and scrambled out of bed.  "Shit!"  

 

Gadreel sat up, looking at Sam as he stood and appeared to dust himself off.  "Sam?  Are you all right?"  

 

"What happened?"  Sam asked, pushing his fingers through his hair.  "What's going on?  Why are you here?"  He shook his head.   "Gadreel, what the hell!"  

 

Gadreel stared at Sam as he woke fully, knowledge dawning in his eyes as he tried to understand.  "You were hurting.  I wished to help."  

 

"Y-you were in me aga--"

 

"No."  Gadreel interrupted, staring at Sam.  "I did not do anything more than cradle you in my Grace.  Just as I did in the library.  Think of it as..."  Gadreel struggled for a moment.  Castiel had managed to find a term the humans understood.  "As an angel hug."  The tension immediately bled out of Sam and Gadreel smiled.  

 

Sam sucked in a deep breath.  Okay, okay.  Angel hugs he could deal with.  He was pretty sure he'd asked for a hug last night aways, and they were both wearing clothing, so nothing else had happened.  "Why are you still here?"  

 

Gadreel tilted his head.  "You wanted me to be."  

 

"Gadreel, I'm a human, this doesn't work, things like this do not work.  You don't even want me!"  Sam spat, pushing his fingers through his hair.  

 

Gadreel stood up from the bed and stalked towards Sam.  "And what do you base that knowledge on, Sam?"  

 

Sam tugged impatiently on his hair and glared at the angel.  "You admitted to Cas you don't know the difference!"  

 

“Humans divide love into different kinds.  Angels do not Sam.  We are created for love.  We were created to love God, and then His creations.  I know love in a deeper way than perhaps you ever will as a human.”  Gadreel explained.  

 

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes.  “So, what, you’re telling me you love me now?”  

 

“Yes,”  Gadreel said.  “from the moment I first touched your soul.”  

 

“It’s not the same!”  Sam shouted, running his fingers through his hair.  “I can’t... I can’t fucking…”  He shook his head and walked to the door.  

 

“Sam.”  Gadreel said, walking after Sam, reaching out to touch Sam’s shoulder gently.  “I wish for no harm to come to your soul.  You are a beautiful human.  I do not want to see you hurt.  I wish for you to be happy.  Is that not love?”  

 

Sam spun around and pinned Gadreel to the wall, glaring at the angel.  "Maybe in your definition, but that isn't--"  

 

Gadreel stared up at Sam as he stopped speaking.  Sam seemed conflicted and upset.  "Sam, I will not understand until you explain it to me.  Please, I want to understand."  

 

He sighed and dropped his head to rest on Gadreel's shoulder, his eyes falling shut.  Sam let his hands fall down a moment later.  "Gadreel, humans want.  It's not... pure, like your love is.  I don't, I would be everything you don't want."  

 

Gadreel reached up to comb his fingers through Sam's hair, letting him relax further.  "Why don't you tell me what it is you want, Sam and I will decide if it is something I would be able to give you?"   

 

Sam swallowed hard, fighting the urge to whine.  He pushed himself off of Gadreel, backing up a few more steps.  "Physically.  I'd want, I mean, I'd need--"

 

"Sam, please."  Gadreel said.  "I may not be familiar with all the vernacular, but I am certain you can tell me and I will understand."  

 

"When I say I want you, and that I want you with me, I'm talking about physical desire, Gadreel."  Sam said.  "You might love me, but it's not... tainted by that."  

 

Gadreel tilted his head.  "Why would physical desire taint love?"  

 

"I don't know, it isn't pure?"  Sam offered, shrugging as he stepped away.  

 

Gadreel frowned.  "Love by it's nature is not a pure emotion, I t touches and is touched by so many others.  Lust is such an emotion."  

 

Sam looked up at Gadreel, staring at him hard.  "And do you feel lust, Gadreel?"  

 

Gadreel considered the question for a long moment.  "It is a strange question for an angel."  He watched Sam... shrink, stepping further away.  He attempted to explain.  

 

"Lust is not an emotion I have experience with.  I do not know if I want it, when I have never experienced it."  Gadreel said, watching Sam stop and turn to look at him again.  

 

"I know that it is an emotion Castiel now feels, one that is included in his love for your brother."  Gadreel offered.  "It is not an emotion angels were created with, but, it is one we can learn..."  

 

Sam frowned and looked at Gadreel.  "Which means...?"  

 

Gadreel smiled and took a step closer to Sam.  "It means, having cradled you in my Grace, I know every piece of you.  This is one that you desire and need.  Loving you, I wish to give it to you, but I do not know how."  

 

Sam swallowed, his heart pounding.  Was he about to taint an angel with lust?  Would he be forgiven for this, or would this be something else for him to regret?  "Do you want me to teach you?"  

 

Gadreel watched as Sam stepped closer to him.  His hazel eyes had gone dark with desire and his soul was shining a new color, tinged with hope.  It was a beautiful, defiant color.  Gadreel tilted his head up and gave a nod.  "Yes."  

 

Sam's kiss tasted like the first touch of a new dawn.  Beautiful, powerful, and all-encompassing.  Gadreel wrapped Sam in his Grace again, pulling him closer until there was no space between them.  Sam's soul sang.  It sang for him, a new song, of hope, and of love.  

  
Gadreel had never heard a more beautiful sound in all the years, in all the universes.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
> You can find me here: http://aria-lerendeair.tumblr.com/
> 
> You can also watch me write fics like this (and dozens of others) live! Follow me on Livestream for fics, shenanigans and a general all-around awesome time! http://new.livestream.com/accounts/7212317


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